As Anne Shirley has been known to say: I am in the "depths of despair". I told my father (not half an hour ago) that "I could positively murder his guitar" and I am not anywhere close to taking taking it back - not even mentally. Now, I would like to be the glass-half-full type and say something that I'm not annoyed with about the guitar... but I simply cannot see any half-fullness to this situation. What could I say? I'm thankful that the neck isn't too skinny? No, there is no such thing as a guitar with a neck that's too skinny. I'm thankful that my fingers aren't shorter? I'm not entirely certain that much would change if my fingers were shorter (all right, that's not true... I'm sure I ought to be very grateful that my fingers are as long as they are). If I were Anne I could imagine that my fingers were longer, or that the guitar's neck were skinnier, but it seems to me that the shortness of one's fingers isn't something that can be imagined away. It's all well and good to sit there thinking about what it would feel like if my fingers were long enough to play that dastardly Bb chord, but where does that get me? Exactly nowhere. As my favorite heroine has said before me “…the worst of imagining things is that the time comes when you have to stop…” (you can find that quote on the thirty-second page of Anne of Green Gables). So, I can’t really bring myself to take the imagining rout. There is absolutely nothing I can do (alright, nothing that I want to do) except sulk about it for a while and wish death upon that abominable guitar – no, all of those absolutely atrocious guitars.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Thick Guitar Necks and Short Fingers:
A Declaration of Complaint.
As Anne Shirley has been known to say: I am in the "depths of despair". I told my father (not half an hour ago) that "I could positively murder his guitar" and I am not anywhere close to taking taking it back - not even mentally. Now, I would like to be the glass-half-full type and say something that I'm not annoyed with about the guitar... but I simply cannot see any half-fullness to this situation. What could I say? I'm thankful that the neck isn't too skinny? No, there is no such thing as a guitar with a neck that's too skinny. I'm thankful that my fingers aren't shorter? I'm not entirely certain that much would change if my fingers were shorter (all right, that's not true... I'm sure I ought to be very grateful that my fingers are as long as they are). If I were Anne I could imagine that my fingers were longer, or that the guitar's neck were skinnier, but it seems to me that the shortness of one's fingers isn't something that can be imagined away. It's all well and good to sit there thinking about what it would feel like if my fingers were long enough to play that dastardly Bb chord, but where does that get me? Exactly nowhere. As my favorite heroine has said before me “…the worst of imagining things is that the time comes when you have to stop…” (you can find that quote on the thirty-second page of Anne of Green Gables). So, I can’t really bring myself to take the imagining rout. There is absolutely nothing I can do (alright, nothing that I want to do) except sulk about it for a while and wish death upon that abominable guitar – no, all of those absolutely atrocious guitars.
As Anne Shirley has been known to say: I am in the "depths of despair". I told my father (not half an hour ago) that "I could positively murder his guitar" and I am not anywhere close to taking taking it back - not even mentally. Now, I would like to be the glass-half-full type and say something that I'm not annoyed with about the guitar... but I simply cannot see any half-fullness to this situation. What could I say? I'm thankful that the neck isn't too skinny? No, there is no such thing as a guitar with a neck that's too skinny. I'm thankful that my fingers aren't shorter? I'm not entirely certain that much would change if my fingers were shorter (all right, that's not true... I'm sure I ought to be very grateful that my fingers are as long as they are). If I were Anne I could imagine that my fingers were longer, or that the guitar's neck were skinnier, but it seems to me that the shortness of one's fingers isn't something that can be imagined away. It's all well and good to sit there thinking about what it would feel like if my fingers were long enough to play that dastardly Bb chord, but where does that get me? Exactly nowhere. As my favorite heroine has said before me “…the worst of imagining things is that the time comes when you have to stop…” (you can find that quote on the thirty-second page of Anne of Green Gables). So, I can’t really bring myself to take the imagining rout. There is absolutely nothing I can do (alright, nothing that I want to do) except sulk about it for a while and wish death upon that abominable guitar – no, all of those absolutely atrocious guitars.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Instructions on Beach-Going
lovingly transcribed by my splendid sister, Moonchild
Step 1: Get in the car
Step 2: Grab a picnic lunch and steak
Step 3: Get the keys - place in ignition
Step 4: Start the car!!!
Step 5: Get your sweater
Step 6: Put sweater on, get in the car, and drive to the beach
Step 7: After you reach the beach, get out of the car
Step 8: After you get out, make sure that your sweater is buttoned all the way up and down
Step 9: Before leaving for the beach and getting in the car, put the ipod in (don't forget you adapter) and turn on something silly
Step 10: Then, after buttoning your sweater, you must turn off the music and take the keys out of the ignition after turning off the car
Step 11: Place keys in picnic lunch so they don't get lost
Step 12: Take a firm grasp on your picnic basket and discard your shoes (which you must remember to put on before you leave the house as it is illegal to drive your car without them)
Step 13: Place your shoes and your purse in the trunk and lock the car and the trunk
Step 14: After you make sure that all of the doors are locked securely, you will walk down to the beach using the stone steps provided by whoever provided them
Step 15: Once you reach a place that you deem suitable to set up your picnic lunch at; set up your picnic lunch (Note: Don't forget to bring a knife - you will be very sad if you do)
Step 16: Eat your picnic lunch and then go on a walk. when you come back from your walk you will sit where you had your picnic, build your fire, watch the sunset, and roast your steak (Note: It advisable to bring kindling, paper, and matches)
Step 17: After you eat your juicy and delectable steak, you will get out your guitar and sing songs (Note: I also strongly advise bringing a guitar as you may find this step frustratingly difficult without one)
Step 18: Once you've finished playing your guitar, pack everything up (except the fire, you might not want to bring that home with you), take the keys out of the picnic lunch (yes, I know that you've already consumed it), walk to your car (don't forget bring everything that you packed up), turn it on, turn on some slow, sad music, and then drive home
Step 20: Don't forget to get your camera before you leave the house so that you can take lots of lovely photographs
Step 19: As a final note, I strongly suggest bringing a friend to keep you company, otherwise you might find the entire outing rather lonely and depressing
Step 21: Tomorrow, please go back to step one and continue from there
Step 22: Um... You weren't supposed to read this far...
Thank you for reading! I do hope that you enjoy your outing!
Step 1: Get in the car
Step 2: Grab a picnic lunch and steak
Step 3: Get the keys - place in ignition
Step 4: Start the car!!!
Step 5: Get your sweater
Step 6: Put sweater on, get in the car, and drive to the beach
Step 7: After you reach the beach, get out of the car
Step 8: After you get out, make sure that your sweater is buttoned all the way up and down
Step 9: Before leaving for the beach and getting in the car, put the ipod in (don't forget you adapter) and turn on something silly
Step 10: Then, after buttoning your sweater, you must turn off the music and take the keys out of the ignition after turning off the car
Step 11: Place keys in picnic lunch so they don't get lost
Step 12: Take a firm grasp on your picnic basket and discard your shoes (which you must remember to put on before you leave the house as it is illegal to drive your car without them)
Step 13: Place your shoes and your purse in the trunk and lock the car and the trunk
Step 14: After you make sure that all of the doors are locked securely, you will walk down to the beach using the stone steps provided by whoever provided them
Step 15: Once you reach a place that you deem suitable to set up your picnic lunch at; set up your picnic lunch (Note: Don't forget to bring a knife - you will be very sad if you do)
Step 16: Eat your picnic lunch and then go on a walk. when you come back from your walk you will sit where you had your picnic, build your fire, watch the sunset, and roast your steak (Note: It advisable to bring kindling, paper, and matches)
Step 17: After you eat your juicy and delectable steak, you will get out your guitar and sing songs (Note: I also strongly advise bringing a guitar as you may find this step frustratingly difficult without one)
Step 18: Once you've finished playing your guitar, pack everything up (except the fire, you might not want to bring that home with you), take the keys out of the picnic lunch (yes, I know that you've already consumed it), walk to your car (don't forget bring everything that you packed up), turn it on, turn on some slow, sad music, and then drive home
Step 20: Don't forget to get your camera before you leave the house so that you can take lots of lovely photographs
Step 19: As a final note, I strongly suggest bringing a friend to keep you company, otherwise you might find the entire outing rather lonely and depressing
Step 21: Tomorrow, please go back to step one and continue from there
Step 22: Um... You weren't supposed to read this far...
Thank you for reading! I do hope that you enjoy your outing!
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