I fall down, He lifts me up

     Last night as I finally turned off the closet light (which has rather become my workplace) I felt beaten, desperate, and miserable. All week I had worked on this paper and I had tried and tried to get it right but for some reason my brain had been refusing to cooperate. As I climbed into bed I prayed that God would help me to do better next week. I fell asleep like that, praying that I would make it through this coming week, praying that I would convince myself to enjoy the work. I woke up the morning to Moonchild telling me "It's 7:06!" and I was horrified. How could that possibly be? I had set my alarm for 6:00 last night, I hadn't pressed the snooze button this morning, I distinctly remembered pulling back the covers so I could get up and get ready. I sprang up with all haste, grabbed the clothes that I had been planning on wearing to Church, and called down the stairs to my brother to be sure that he wouldn't leave me behind. He usually left at 7:07 and I had in the past been able to get myself out the door in one minute. Little did I know that he had left two minutes earlier than he usually did and my calling had been in vein. I rushed into my dress, grabbed my hairpins, ran into the laundry room to grab my coat and shoes... and he was gone. I would be lying if I told you that I didn't feel rather like crying. The frustration from the night before was still fogging up every nick and cranny of my brain and it was rather early in the morning. I sat down on the bottom step of the stairs and sulked. And sulked... and sulked. Finally I decided that since I had time I would finish doing my hair.
     As I headed out the door with two of my sisters and my parents I warned them of what was to come "I think" I said "That I probably won't be a very pleasant person today. I apologize in advance."
     All the way through the singing I was completely miserable. I was annoying even myself. During the greeting time my friend came up to me, gave me a hug, and told me that she needed to talk to me after the service. I was terribly frightened that I'd done something to offend her (I'm not known for being particularly good in my people skills and often find myself saying things that are utterly tactless). As the service went on I relaxed a little, my heart warmed by the story that the pastor was sharing with his congregation. I started to feel as though perhaps the world wasn't all bad. At the end of the service I walked against the flow of the people who were all rushing out the doors and down the stairs to the fellowship hall (gym) I was headed up the aisle towards my friend, worrying about what I could have possibly done this time.
     I greeted my friend with a smile that I'd pushed to the surface of my face and hoped for the best. Her boyfriend, pardon me, fiance, told her that he'd catch up with her afterwards. I gave my friend a hug and we started walking towards the door that everyone else was headed for. What came next was an unexpected and wonderful surprise. Just as we had reached the last pew she turned to me and said "Would you please be my maid of honor?"
     My hands flew to my face and I'm afraid that I almost knocked her over with a hug. Now, you have to understand that I wasn't at church last week, and therefore not only was I completely shocked at the question but I also had no idea that the two had gotten engaged. I'm embarrassed to say that I could not hold back a rather unladylike squeal as I told her how happy I was for her and how of course, I would be honored her maid of honor (pun intended). I went with her when she went to talk to the pastor about setting a date and then remembered that I had a few other things that needed to be done.
   As I walked towards the building where the high-schoolers meet after church for a lesson that is directed towards us I realized that God had sent that moment to remind me that no matter how little faith I have in myself, and no matter how poorly I think of myself he will always be there to pull be back up out of my imperfection to tell me how much he loves me. And while sometimes he does this through solitary walks or quite contemplation,  at other times, like this morning, he does it by showing you that you've been important enough to someone else that they want to honor you with being part of one of the most important moments of their life. My day had gone from the worst to the best in a matter of hours and I'm pleased to report that it still seems to be humming along quite nicely.

Wishing On Stars

     Pitter pat, pitter pat, pitter... pitter... pip, pip... pat. As the rain slows to a stop, relieving the window panes of this constant assailment of pricking water droplets, I am reminded of the weather forecast for Monmouth: Sleet starting at nine and by midnight - snow, and from then until Monday morning: Snow, soft, white, feathery, downy snow. Well, perhaps... if the ground stays cold enough. if it doesn't decide to change to rain... it shouldn't change to rain, I don't want it to change to rain... snow is such a beautiful thing: so pure, and white, and simple, but so stunningly different against the grey, tired winter sky. I should so very much like the snow to stick. "Is that too much to ask?" I look up at the night sky, up at Jupiter (he's at the summit of his journey this month), and make a wish: "Star light, star bright," No, too often said. Suppose he's bored of that one... what else?
     Tip, tip tap, tip tap, tip tap. My pencil clicking on the paper as I try to think. Do I know any other wishing poems? Perhaps I've read one in a fairytale "Mirror, mirror..." no, the star doesn't mirror light from the earth... well, I could write my own wishing poem... how  does one write a wishing poem?
     Suddenly I realize that I've completely forgotten what I'm wishing for... White... like, like... Oh, yes! Snow! Of course... how does one write a poem, a wishing poem, to a star, about snow... should I write to a specific star? Jupiter surely is not the sort of star you'd want to wish on... So cold, so... so stern... lighting in his fist... besides, he was so terribly unfaithful to poor Juno. How can you expect a star like that to listen to a poem that asks him for snow? No, it simply will not do. what about Venus? Bueauty. Probably she is much more promising. she is said to have a mothering heart. Yes, Venus, I think, is much more likely to listen to such a request.
     But the poem, what about the poem? How does one write to the Starmother? It could be a short poem, something sing-songish, perhaps?

"Starmother, with your hair so bright

With your moon-like face, so sweet... so white,

I would so dearly like some snow

to last a day or so

then, I think, I could let it go!"

    

 Hm... No, I think not, Starmother deserves something better: more... something... Anne-ish:

"O, planet bright, Satellite

Of this star called 'Sun'.

So soft of light, so warm,

Please send to me a snow white storm

Storm... Storm...

With downy feather-flake

with the dusted white lightness

of snow.

O, please, sweet queen,

O, Venus golden white,

send... send me...

Snow."

     Well, not precisely refined, that... but still, I think she might respond to something like that. She likes to hear a pleading voice, she knows what to do with this: she has so many children, all those lovely stars - her youngest only a few years since he was put in his place up there with his older brothers and sisters. Yes, she will listen, and perhaps... perhaps...

The wind blows in from the west...

A Thursday Morning

Eeernk. Eeernk. EEERNK! The alarm clock beeps. A sleep marked hand reaches up to a windowsill where an alarm is kept and attempts to press a button on the top. When the sound does not turn off the tired person realizes that the sound is coming from across the room - her sister's alarm. In sleepy reasoning the girl decides that her sister must have set her alarm to get up earlier today, that must be why this alarm was going off before her own. So the girl surrenders herself again to her dreams only to wake up with a start what feels like moments later (but is really closer to half an hour) realizing that she had forgotten to set the alarm the night before. She glances upwards at the clock, peering through the sunlight that dives in from the window, and reads the digital numbers: 8:01. She groanes, a deep, soul resonating groan. 8:01? 8:01? No this has to be a dream, a very annoying dream, a dream that is depicting her late for yet another Wednesday - the busiest day of her week. Wednesday? Wait. She rolls over to look at her sister's calender on the wall opposite the window. It all comes rushing back: Eating dinner at Church, helping in the basement (that's where the youngest AWANA clubbers meet), going over to the other building to find her mother and sister. Yes, yesterday was most definitely Wednesday. A sigh of relief escapes her sleep-dried lips. It is Thursday: one of the slower days. She is safe, well, she will be if she gets up. She got up.

~Ladybird

A New Blog

Some of you know (and some of you may not) that I used to have a blog by the title of "A Melody Of Life" well, I decided after a while that I wanted to change the title to something else (as you can see I ended up with "Ladybird Sketches"). And Well, as blogger doesn't let you just change the name of your blog (and so on and so forth) I decided that I would simply make a new one, and so I did, and here it is. I have uploaded the last post from my previous blog so if you've already read it then you certainly aren't obligated to read it again (although I am by no means going to try to stop you). I hope all is well with you!

The header in progress:

~Ladybird

Goings On...

...At the top of our windswept hill...

From holidays in small woodland cabins to the weddings of two most beloved family members to the birth of the soon-to-be newest member of the immediate family, "Baby G", this year promises to be full of splendid, joyful things.

Last year (goodness, is it really January already?) somewhere in between the months of August and September I was joyously informed that my cousin (for all practical purposes we'll call her "Rese") had gotten engaged. Now, of course, as exciting as this was and as ecstatic as we all were, it was by no means an unexpected surprise. My cousins and I had been speculating for months over when Rese's sweetheart would "Pop the question". And then the flurry of planning, giggling, finding, seeing, smiling, exclaiming, and re-planning began (and hasn't quite yet ended). The wedding (scheduled for the twenty first of this month) is sure to be a smashing success and I am honored to be one of her bridesmaids.

In the last days of September the younger of my two brothers (and one of the two siblings closest to my age) left for Basic Training for the National Guard. I am so proud of my military brother! He is so smart, and strong, and I know that he loves God and also his family. After basic he came, like a good boy, home for Christmas. We spent a lovely week and a half enjoying his presence. Which includes going Christmas shopping in Corvallis and seeing "The Adventures Of Tintin" in theaters (which was, by the way, fantastic!). He left again yesterday morning for AIT and I cannot wait to see him again in another three months.

November brought along many interesting events, the most notable of which were the slashing of my father's tires (never fear, they were in need of replacement anyway) and the engagement of my second to oldest sister. Now, this engagement was a surprise (although said sister told us later that they, at least, had been talking about it for a while). My youngest sister and I were a wee bit disappointed by the lack of a ring. The qualm, however, was soothed over on Christmas day when my sister's fiance presented her with a ring and the end of Christmas dinner (a better time, there couldn't have been). She is now happily in the land of wedding planning and today we are off to search for her wedding dress (oh, what fun!).

In December (the seventeenth to be exact) Mother dear told us that in month of August we are to welcome into the family the youngest sibling, whom we have taken to call "baby G" due to the fact that the wee thing is destined to have a name beginning with that letter. There we were, warming ourselves beside the fireplace, and we could hardly believe our ears, so happy and surprised were we! Indeed, my younger sister truly thought that she was dreaming (although it was for only a moment).

Last week (and year) a few of my cousins came to celebrate the ending of one year and the beginning of the new with us. We had a lovely time, which consisted of walks in the woods, tales 'round the bonfire (marshmallow alert), the (partial) recording of a most traditional Christmas story, and gales of laughter of silly, cousin things. They left yesterday at noon, and we did our special goodbye... ritual (long story) for the last time with five unmarried cousin girls.

This week we will be headed to what we now call "Our Cabin", though it isn't ours at all, where we shall spend a relaxing weekend (as though we won't have already have had three weeks of winter break) sitting beneath the boughs of pine trees and playing long games of Carcassonne and Settlers Of Catan.

All in all, the last half of the year bodes well for the first half of this one. And I'm sure there will be some unexpected surprises along the way. I cannot wait to see what is in store (though I suppose I'll have to) for the coming months, and I hope that all of these beginnings are simply glorious.

As Tiny Tim once said (or at least fictitiously) "God bless us, every one!" Happy new years (albeit a teensy bit late), everyone!