What Am I Holding Onto?

This week both pastor Jerry and pastor Rob spoke on willingness. Specifically the need in believers to cast aside whatever plans we think we have figured out, or boxes we've found to put our faith in and entrust our every action to God. As an attendee of two church services in order to keep tradition with two sets of dearly loved people, there is always a sense of urgency comes when both of my pastors end up sermoning on the same topic. Maybe because it doesn't often happen, and perhaps more because the separate churches stand about an hour's drive apart from each other, I feel that God is speaking directly to me something that I desperately need to hear.

Proverbs 16:03 "Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established".

These things are so, so difficult for me. I've always thought that I was something of a free spirit, not being able to sit down and make a five-year plan for my life was something I saw a failure on my part, something I struggled hard against. But here I sit, realizing that (despite my supposed long-term flexibility) there must be something I'm holding on desperately to in my version of what following should look like that I shouldn't be holding on to and I can't seem to figure out exactly what it is. A very dangerous place to be. As in so many cases, I can easily see the flaws in others and judge them for it, but even with what seems to be an arrow pointing directly at it, I can't seem to glimpse my own disfigurement. Until I find it, I will be learning to pray as Elijah did that out of great discomfort will come realization and change, even if I may not like the method.



Happy Monday,
Ladybird